Saturday, December 15, 2012

December 15, 2012

A very different blog post today, something that I've been wanting to get out there and, in light of recent events, feel like is the appropriate time to do such. Disclaimer: I wish to offend no one, this is not me patting myself on the back (too much), and I'm certainly not being pessimistic or negative. Here goes.

The disease I have is very real, and I know that it may "cut short" my lifetime. ANYTHING could have done this, from freak accidents to who knows what, but this disease has come along and decided it wants to take me on. I'm all for the fight and you know what, I'm all about it. This is the cross I have to bear, because I have had some kind of unbelievable life and truly believe I will continue to have such after I beat this up.

I know it's hard when you hear about the news of someone you know getting a disease like this. I never knew what to say, so most of the time I figured, "Heck, they really don't want to hear from another person, especially me," so I wouldn't even reach out and contact them. I'd just include them in my daily prayers and think about things that my skill set might be able to help them with along the line. This may have been wrong on my part because it means a ton to have that outpouring of love and support from everyone who offers it. It really does, and I sincerely thank you all for it.

HOWEVER, the absolute last thing I personally want to hear or read from anyone is that they're "sorry for what has happened" to me, or a frown and a shake of the head. No no no no no! There is no reason for sorrow for what has happened to me. Sure it's cruddy, who wants cancer or wants to have to fight it? But think about this please: I was 21 years, 8.5 months old when I was diagnosed with this. In that time, I have certainly lived and experienced so much of what life has to offer, which I really believe is a huge part of what our time here on Earth is all about (a conversation for another day) - this is 100% due to how I was brought up, taught, and, frankly, funded by my parents who I'll never be able to thank enough and that's the honest truth.

I walk into the pediatric wing at Sloan Kettering for treatments. You don't even want to look left or right: you see the spectrum of youth, teens to infants, hooked up to pumps and machines being treated for cancer; it is heartbreaking each and every time to see. There's simply no way they could experience what life has to offer simply based on the time they've had - and that deserves sorrow, in my opinion. Those situations are what are not fair. What happened to all the victims in Newtown, Connecticut, deserves sorrow and is not fair. So please, don't ever be sorry for me - I'm really an overly lucky guy.

We're optimistic in this. We're going to fight and beat this, and it's not going to be beaten with sorrow. I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors that I hope gets you thinking, even living:

"Enjoying living was learning to get your money's worth and knowing when you had it." - Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises


  1. Nick - You are a strong and very bright young fact, the writings you've been posting on this blog have actually surprised me. They show a side that I really didn't fully appreciate and I'm happy to read about your strength but also your sensitivity. There's a theme from the musical RENT, a play with a story line driven by among other things, a community dealing with a high incidence of AIDS, that is worth hearing. If I understood this high techy hyperlink stuff I'd bring it here but it's an easy find. Check it out....No day but today!

  2. Wow. I am forever grateful that the Modico's are part of mine & my families lives. Some of the happiest moments in our lives have been the times we have spent with you, mom & dad. Mohegan Sun, Yonkers, Saratoga, Boston College, Army, Frisco, the garage are just to name a few. Great times and I look forward to many more. I truly believe you when you say you are an overly lucky guy. So please believe me when I say all of us that know Nick Modico are the lucky ones. You have touched our lives in so many great ways. We will abide by your request. But don't ever forget that I will do anything for you in this fight. You are an unbelievable young man & we love you very much.

  3. Nicholas,
    This ordeal is not only a test of strength, but of character.
    It is no surprise to me that you will pass both tests in your stride as you are quite a character...and have great character. The best of both.

    Hope I made you smile. Keep it up, you are AWESOME!!!
    Mony XOXOX